buttsadelphia
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absurdical absurdical -
citysleep citysleep
Welcome to Adventures in Baking, aka the ANGRY CHEF. Above is the shit I tried to make tonight, which went kind of well but not really? Who knows. Who am I to judge my own food! Anyway, this is a Smitten Kitchen recipe again, this time for pumpkin muffins. I decided to try and make these because a) I felt like baking, oddly, b) the recipe seemed easy enough not to screw up (ahaha), and c) absurdical’s birthday is tomorrow! My thought process went something like: “Birthday! I can make these pumpkin muffins! Bitches love pumpkin.” Then, after confirming that absurdical is one of those pumpkin-loving bitches, I headed to the store to get the ingredients.
(image via swagpony)
- CLOSE THE PORN
- No, seriously, close it, and then close the laptop, then set it aside because it might form an allegiance with the fire (if it hasn’t already) and you’re not prepared to deal with that kind of treachery when you’re not wearing pants.
- Realize the alarm stopped.
- Rush up from the couch and put on a shirt.
- Think for a second. A long, hard second. Really think. About stuff.
- Put on pants.
- absurdical: why the fuck am i signing up for pottermore
- citysleep: i don't even know what that is except that it annoys me
- absurdical: <33333333333333
- me: okay
- new admin in our cubicle farm
- has been here like 2-3 weeks
- she's like in her late 30s/early 40s
- but she's spelling out her email address on the phone just now
- JUST NOW
- and said "no, P as in POWERS, like AUSTIN POWERS?"
- i............. can't believe that is a pop culture reference i still get.
- friend: damn, that is a pretty old reference
- i was gonna say "way to be hip for like, thirteen years ago, lady" except yeah IT WAS THIRTEEN YEARS AGO
- me: HAHAHAHA
- that is SO many years ago
- SDKGUFHSg
- THAT WAS
- HALF OUR LIFE AGO
- friend: you broke me
So, listen. Anyone knows that if you want to get a manz, you have to know how to bake him a pie. And it can’t be a pie that will murder him because then you’ll have no manz. So, with that in mind—and also mainly because I got invited to a dinner party and was asked to bring dessert and I yearn to impress people who probably couldn’t care less—I decided to bake something this week! Something that didn’t involve dumping a can of Diet Pepsi into a bowl of chocolate-flavored powder or reading instructions off a Manischewitz box. It wasn’t pie, though, it was those crumb bars up there, so I have no idea why I brought up pie.
In this feature, absurdical tackles the recent release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, the impact of changes made in its journey from book to film, and the overall questions faced when realistically adapting a novel so rich in detail and world building into a palatable film.
Providing the counterpoint is 19-year-old absurdical, who in 2004 is endlessly reloading The Leaky Cauldron and MuggleNet for the latest news on the production and upcoming release of Alfonso Cuarón’s Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and is quite concerned about the choices being made in adopting this pivotal book in the series. Let’s begin. Present absurdical, the floor is yours.
We watched someone eat this tonight. Actually, two someones. I imagine it was like eating that overgrown 16-lb. baby.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
citysleep: our blog is just going to be us saying “fuck you” to each other
absurdical: BUSINESS AS USUAL
YEAAAAAAAAAH
Always worth updating with new, relevant data gleaned from the latest scientific facts. NOTE: now with tons of suggestions on how to celebrate your birthday awesomely! FINE PRINT: VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Like August. Ugh, bite me, August. You’re void and prohibited, how the fuck do you like that?
JANUARY: What? Who? You want me to go out in this weather when there’s a windchill of -10 — no I don’t care if you grew “up north”, that is really cold here — and eat/drink with you x number of days after my New Year’s Resolution to be an asshole who can eat cake and drink alcohol but chooses not to in lieu of talking about how much better I am for avoiding such intense, loathsome vices? I’m sorry. I won’t get you a card.
FEBRUARY: Congratulations! You were born in THE WORST MONTH OF THE YEAR. Your cheery disposition, optimistic outlook, and determination to brave the very worst life has to offer you (like a birthday crammed into a month so short that it’s like a tide pool of misery on the Western calendar) makes you someone to be left alone with the cat at parties.
MARCH: Between St. Patrick’s Day and a lingering sense of being entitled to spring break, this is the month of binge drinking. If you have a birthday this month, you don’t have a birthday this month.
